Tourette’s sufferer mistaken for rap artist

Concertgoers at Auckland’s Spark Arena Saturday night mistook Tourette’s Syndrome sufferer Jason Wells for Dr Dre’s support act.

“I mean nobody ever knows or cares about the support act, so when this weedy little guy in a hoodie started swearing at everybody, we all naturally assumed he was opening for Dr Dre” reported Tasha Smith who first noticed Wells as he made his way along her row.

Wells, 24, first gained Smith’s attention with “Bitch bitch excuse me bitch”, which drew gasps of admiration from those in the surrounding seats as a hush fell over the arena.

“And he’s doing this without a backing track, and from the stalls, like he’s just another guy in the audience. He’s so humble, like totally wow” said Smith.

Wells was in fact merely trying to find his seat, completely unaware that his unconscious profane vocalisations represented the new wave in rap.

The opening lines of his next track “Fuck fuck fuck row J? / Cunt this far back? Really Jesus fuck” were regarded by the stunned Auckland crowd as a seminal commentary on the existential angst common to the human condition, and the referencing of the concert venue itself considered to demonstrate a mature lyrical skill as Wells directly engaged his audience’s experience.

“Listening to that I had tears in my eyes, I mean it’s so true”, said Smith.

Dr Dre patrons were not the first to acknowledge Well’s talent. Cabin crew on his flight up from Christchurch the previous night almost had him removed from the aircraft before fellow passengers intervened.

Hip hop fan Shayleen Durrell recognised “Tray table fuck” not as a deliberate attempt to disrupt the safety briefing but as a skilfully crafted reference to the transient nature of relationships between fellow passengers. “Although that’s not something I’ve actually tried” she admitted.

Industry commentator Dylan Worthy is less impressed, giving his opinion that Wells would never pass muster as as an actual rapper, and has a considerable amount of work to do. “If anything his lyrics are a little too sanitised. Where are the references to butchering his woman like a pig, for example?”

Wells reports that he has previously been mistaken for Gordon Ramsay.

Share this: