FNDC welcomes Kerikeri brothel application

Sources close to the Far North District Council say that a slim majority support an application by the Chow brothers to build a multi-storey brothel on the Kerikeri domain which has the potential to “make Kerikeri the Amsterdam of the South Pacific.”

“Like Russell used to be, but less hellish”, say the Chows.

No one we spoke to would comment publicly, but one councillor was willing to be interviewed on condition of strict anonymity. We asked about the proximity of the proposed brothel to the schools and kindergarten.

“We think the Chow brothers set an excellent example of entrepreneurship and hard work. This is precisely the sort of attitude we should be seeking to foster in our young people. Up till now there have been very few job opportunities for our youth beyond New World, Countdown and McDonald’s; the brothel will open up exciting new possibilities.”

“It will also create a much needed space for teachers to unwind, conveniently close to, but away from school grounds.”

Councillors are also excited by the tourism potential of the new operation, believing the brothel will act as an additional drawcard beyond the chocolate factory and the Stone Store.

When approached for comment the major cruise lines operating into New Zealand were enthusiastic. One spokesperson explained “You have to understand that after so many days or weeks in the same cramped cabin, couples tend to go a little stir crazy.”

Opponents on the council are outraged at the notion. “We just don’t have the infrastructure to support something of that magnitude, and the sewerage network is already at capacity. To say nothing of the parking problems it will cause.”

The Chow brothers are confident they can overcome these objections, saying they would consider excavating to allow for an underground carpark, with the spoil to be dumped in the Kerikeri Basin subject to resource consent.

The Kerikeri Rugby Club will be losing their playing field but councillors are apparently unconcerned, with our source saying that “all forms of recreation are equally valid” and that it was “entirely up to the public to decide what they wished to support, and we wouldn’t want to pass judgement on their choice.”

Air New Zealand intend to replace the existing Bombardier Q300 aircraft they operate into Kerikeri with ATR-72 equipment to allow for increased demand; as a flow on effect Far North Holdings is revising its terminal expansion plans.

A series of public consultations will be held; those in favour should make their way to the Butler Centre’s discrete entrance directly off the carpark and identify themselves by speakerphone.

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